Most people make resolutions in the beginning of the new year, but of course i find that too ordinary and usually make my yearly goals at the beginning of summer. After this past semester one thing that i struggled with, greatly, was my depression. I usually don’t talk about it much, only with my close friends but i have figured out that keeping it hidden isn’t helping. This semester i hit a wall. A big one, things got real. It finally hit me that she wasn’t coming back and that this is my life, like it or not. I had to realize that i don’t have the close family like i used to, that the people i want to be the closest with are the ones who have hurt me the most. I realized i am alone. I realized that it’s just me, standing alone fighting this battle. That was an extremely hard pill to swallow. At school, the sisterhood that i joined, the ones that are supposed to help you when your down, a handful reached out to me, the others just turned their noses. Its all fine it’s their turn to step up anyhow, it’s there turn to earn those letters. But I can no longer give to people who are unappreciative. I want to focus my efforts on things that matter, like school and my own well being. Give time to the people who have been there, the ones who listen to me cry at 6 am in the morning, the ones who take me to Chipotle an hour away to cheer me up. With this my goals summer is to re-channel that negative energy into positives. Today i got my grades back, they aren’t great, but with two writing intensive classes, and a speaking intensive class along with stats, i will take it. I need to prove myself, i have become complacent and it has become a problem. My two summer courses got cancelled today, and in all honestly..i deserved them to get canceled for how i behaved. I was a total ass, i shouldn’t have got my replacement so easy. So now i am taking anatomy for four weeks…i think that is next in line to a death sentence. But it’s time to prove i can get an A, it’s time to prove to myself that i am able to do this, that i am a lot smarter then i give myself credit. It’s time to get my depression under control, it’s time for me to start being the person i know i can be.